


Reason to Stay

by bangtanlove86



Category: Monsta X (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Bathroom Sex, Cheating, Engagement, Ex Sex, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Heartache, Infidelity, Lies, Love, Love Triangles, Past Relationship(s), Runaway Bride, Weddings, bangtan - Freeform, bts - Freeform, monsta x - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:00:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25445782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bangtanlove86/pseuds/bangtanlove86
Summary: Years ago after a heartbreaking event, you ran away from your hometown, leaving your family and your boyfriend, Kim Namjoon behind. You are now engaged to be married to your fiance, Lee Jooheon who wants to meet your family.Despite your hesitation, you return to your hometown, only to be entangled by your feelings and undeniable connection to Namjoon.Will you make it to your wedding day?
Relationships: Kim Namjoon | RM & Reader, Lee Jooheon/Reader
Kudos: 5





	1. Give Me a Reason to Stay

You were engaged to another man, he had just met your parents for the first time. But instead of getting ready to return to your shared home, you were in Namjoon’s apartment.

Namjoon was your first love, but your relationship was tumultuous. You were on again off again for years but when you were near each other, no matter how long you were apart, the attraction was insatiable.

You knew that moving away was the only way that you would truly be able to move on, so you relocated your entire life to the other side of the country, leaving Namjoon, your friends and your family behind.

You had built a brand new life for yourself. You’d become a successful business woman, working as an editor for an online magazine. When you had met your fiance, Jooheon, at a company party, there was an immediate spark.

Less than a year after you had been dating, he was already on one knee asking you to marry him. Jooheon was an amazing man, you were happy, and you were finally feeling like your life was coming together.

“Jagiya, I’ve been thinking. I wish I had asked your parents first, before asking you to marry me.”

“Babe, you know I don’t believe in those outdated notions that you need to ask my parents permission.”

“Yes, I know. You’re right. But, shouldn’t I at least meet them?”

You had been dreading this since the proposal. Your parents hated to travel, and they certainly wouldn’t fly to the other side of the country, even if it was to meet your fiance.

“I told you before, Honey. My parents won’t come here, they hate to travel. My mom has anxiety when it comes to getting on a plane.”

“Well then, we should go to them,” Jooheon suggested.

The following week you were on a plane to your hometown, a place where you hadn’t been for nearly two years. Jooheon was excited to see the place where you grew up, and excited to meet your family. But you were full of trepidation, desperately trying to figure out how you would avoid any encounters with Namjoon.

Jooheon had arranged for a nice dinner with your family at the restaurant in the hotel where you were staying.

It was a lovely evening, and your parents loved him-- just like you knew they would. As your parents departed and your night was coming to an end, Jooheon, in his euphoric state, didn’t want the night to end.

“Do you want to go out, babe? Show me the night life around here?”

“Oh, baby, I’m really tired, I think we should just turn in for the night,” you told him.

“What’s wrong, Y/N? You’re never like this at home, you love to go out. Why don’t we just go out for a night cap?”

You sighed and conceded to his request.

You warned that you had no idea what night life was like here anymore, having not been home in so long. So Jooheon found the name of a trendy new bar in town that was just a few blocks from your hotel. As you walked down the street together, all you could do was hope that you didn’t run into Namjoon.

You entered the bar, and a shiver immediately pulsed down your spine. You didn’t know where he was, but you knew he was there. You could feel him staring at you.

As Jooheon made his way to the counter to order drinks, you felt a warm body behind you. He brushed your hair away from your neck, lightly grazing your nape with his fingers. You felt the slick begin to pool in your underwear just from his touch.

You didn’t dare turn around to look at him. You knew you were already in trouble. You began to walk away, but Namjoon grabbed your wrist.

“I have to go, Namjoon. I’m with someone.”

Now standing next to Jooheon, you glanced to the end of the bar where Namjoon had sat down.

You could see the jealousy in his eyes as another man wrapped his arms around your waist, and laid kisses on your body. Even as you held tightly to your fiance, your eyes were locked with Namjoon’s.

“Baby…I need to go to the restroom. I’ll be back,” you said, excusing yourself.

You walked down the small hallway towards the restroom, and immediately felt his large hands wrap around your waist. He turned you to face him, crashing his lips into yours.

“We shouldn’t do this,” you warned, but he pushed open the door to the bathroom and locked the door.

He bent you over the sink, facing the mirror as he pulled up your skirt and fucked you from behind.

“Fuck!” you cried out, as you stared at the vehement look in his eyes.

“You feel so good, Y/N! Fuck, you feel so good.”

It wasn’t long before you were both nearing your peak.

There was an irrefutable chemistry between you, your bodies were always in sync. Namjoon placed his hand over your mouth to muffle your moans. Your walls contracted around his length, and he fucked you through your orgrasm, filling your core with a familiar warmth that slowly began to drip down your thighs.

You cleaned yourself up, quickly tousling your hair and touching up your make-up. Namjoon opened the door slowly, peaking to ensure no one would see.

“Who is he?”

You didn't want to answer the question. It wasn't until now that Namjoon noticed the ring on your finger. He grabbed your hand, pulling it closer to inspect it.

“He…he’s my fiance.” You pulled away from his grasp, quickly leaving him without a word to go back to Jooheon.

“Here’s your drink, Jagiya,” Jooheon said. “Are you ok? You were gone awhile.”

“Yeah babe, you know there’s always a long line at the ladies room.”

Your phone buzzed. It was a text message from Namjoon.

[ **Namjoon** ] So this is it?

You had an unquenchable thirst for Namjoon. Seeing him again, feeling him again... you knew it was wrong.

But when you were with him, you were completely powerless to your own wanton desires.

“Jooheon, honey. My parents want me to stay with them tonight.

Why don’t you relax in the hotel, and I’ll meet you tomorrow?”

\-----

The following morning, you and Namjoon sat on opposite ends of the bed where you and Namjoon had slept together the night before. You faced away from him as you spoke.

“Give me a reason to stay,” you begged. “Tell me that I’m making a mistake and that you want me to stay.”


	2. There's Something I Need to Tell You

It only took a matter of seconds in the bar for you to decide that you weren’t going back to the hotel with your fiance. Just seconds for you to succumb to your lecherous attraction to Namjoon. Even after two years, when he touched you, it was like you'd never left. It was enough for you to risk everything to be with him again.

Your palms were sweaty as you walked back to the hotel with Jooheon, knowing that the excuse you had made to leave him was a lie. 

“Are you sure you have to go, Jagiya?” Jooheon asked, tucking your hair behind your ear.

“We can just meet your parents early tomorrow before we head to the airport.”

You swallowed hard on your own saliva, hoping he didn’t notice the sweat that had begun to appear from your forehead. 

“No, babe. I should go, I haven’t been home in years, they just miss me. You understand, right?”

“Yes, of course. You’re right. I’ll see you in the morning. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

You waited until Jooheon had disappeared from your sight before you hailed a taxi. You gave Namjoon’s address to the driver, and headed to his apartment without bothering to call or text him. He would be expecting you.

Without hesitation, you knocked on his door. As he opened it, he immediately wrapped his hands behind your head, pulling you into his kiss. You recalled his familiar taste, as his tongue encircled your own and the memories of your years together flooded back into your mind.

He touched his forehead to yours, and you continued to kiss as he clumsily guided you to his bed. Namjoon gently laid you down, and you became drunk off the scent of his sheets that you had slept in countless times before.

You welcomed the weight of his body on top of you. You tilted your head exposing the nape of your neck, and he laid kisses from your chin to the base of your neck. A quiet moan escaped your lips, as he bit gently at your shoulder, knowing it was your most sensitive spot. Your core became wet with anticipation.

Namjoon knew every inch of your body. He knew exactly where and how to touch you to send you over the edge. He plunged his length inside you, and clung tightly to your body as he rocked his hips.

“Joon…” you purred, as his thrusts reached the depths of your core.

“Y/N,” he whispered. “Fuck... I’ve missed this.” The synchronization of your movements took you to a place that you had only ever reached when you were together. 

You spoke no more words, but your breathy moans echoed through his apartment as you came together and he painted your walls with ribbons of white.

In that moment, it didn’t matter that you were engaged. You didn't care to ask if Namjoon was seeing anyone. You simply gave way to your temptations, allowing Namjoon to possess your body again.

Lying next to Namjoon, you turned and faced away from him. His fingers traced the skin on your back. He pulled you closer and laid a kiss on the small angel tattoo on your shoulder blade.

Tears pooled in your eyes and you quietly sobbed before falling asleep in Namjoon’s arms.

The following morning, you and Namjoon were faced away from each other. You sat on opposite ends of the bed where the two of you had slept together the night before. 

“Give me a reason to stay,” you begged. “Tell me that I’m making a mistake and that you want me to stay.”

“Are you happy, Y/N?” Namjoon asked.

“I...I was…” you hesitated. “I don't know anymore.”

“I don't have a good reason. All I have is my love for you, but I know that's not enough anymore.”

You twisted the engagement ring on your finger.

“Joon, if I walk out this door now, I won't be back until…until my wedding.”

“I can’t. I just can’t. We’re both so screwed up when we’re together. I just want you to be happy."

“There was a time when we were happy. What happened to us?” you pleaded.

He hung his head, unable to face you. “You should go.”

ou left Namjoon’s apartment that day and returned to your normal life, back to your job and your fiance, trying again to leave the memory of you and Namjoon behind. 

Six months had passed and you were preparing to head back to your hometown for your wedding.

You were going a week early to wrap-up the final details, and Jooheon would join you a few days later.

Jooheon wrapped his arms around your waist while you stood in front of the mirror.

“Is the future Mrs. Lee almost ready to head to the airport?” You smiled as Jooheon kissed you on the cheek.

“Honey?” you asked. “Why do you want to marry me?”

“Hmmm… I don’t know. You’re beautiful, and funny. You’re loving and kind. You’re perfect.”

You took a deep breath, turning to face him. “I’m not perfect. There’s something I haven’t told you.”

“Well, I don’t like the sound of that,” Jooheon laughed nervously.

“We’ve never really talked about this before, and I know it’s really shitty of me to bring it up now, but I thought I’d give you an out before it’s too late.”

“What is it, Jagiya?"

“I can’t...I can’t have children.”

Jooheon looked at you with sad eyes. You couldn’t tell if he felt sorry for you, or if he was disappointed. Your lips trembled as the tears began to fall from your eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“A few years ago… I… I was pregnant, but I lost my baby. It was all my fault, and I couldn’t stop blaming myself. I was so fucked up.”

Jooheon held you tightly, he brushed the hair from your face and kissed you on the forehead.

“I left everything behind and moved here to get away from it all and start over. I’m broken, Jooheon. It’s not fair to you if you don’t know.”

“Shhh, Jagiya,” He whispered. “This doesn’t make me love you any less.”

For the first time, you allowed yourself to let go of the pain that had plagued your heart for years. The torturous memory that had ripped you and Namjoon apart. You felt like you may be able to move on with your life and learn to be happy again.

\-----

The air in your hometown always reminded you of Namjoon. It was the reason you had avoided this place for years. Even just days before your wedding, he was on your mind.

Your girlfriends had taken you out for one last night as a single woman, you stepped out the bar for fresh air. You gasped as you felt a familiar grip around your wrist, pulling you into the alley, and pinning you against the wall. Even with your eyes closed, you knew it was him as he lifted your chin and he took your bottom lip between his teeth. 

“Namjoon,” you whispered.

“Y/N,” he replied.


	3. The Place that Holds our Memories

You stared out the window as Jooheon drove you to the airport.

“Stop worrying, Jagiya!” he said, reaching out for your hand. “I promise you, what you told me earlier doesn’t change anything. I love you and everything about you. We will cross that bridge when we get there.”

You smiled back at him and intertwined his fingers with your own. A sense of relief had somewhat materialized from your confession. You knew that it was right for you to tell Jooheon about your ‘condition’, but perhaps, it was a little unnerving that the topic had never been brought up before your engagement.

Amidst this revelation, you had made the decision not to disclose your night with Namjoon. You had resolved that it would do you no good to ruin your future marriage over your sordid indiscretion. Once the wedding was over, you would return to your life across the country, and it would no longer be an issue.

In truth, however, no matter how inappropriate it may have seemed, being with Namjoon never felt wrong. Being with him was like breathing oxygen, or drinking water. When he was near you, you didn’t just want him. You needed him, or you wouldn’t survive.

At the airport, Jooheon sent you off with a kiss and the promise that he would see you in a few days. With your wedding dress in tow, you boarded your plane, headed back to the town that held all the ghosts of your past life.

Your family met you at the airport, excited for the week to come, and they took you to lunch at your favorite local cafe. The tiny mom & pop shop held your happiest and most painful memories. It was the place that you and Namjoon had your first date, and the place where you had spent every Sunday having brunch together. It was the place where you had told Namjoon you were pregnant, and the last place you had been together before you left.

You sat in silence, circling the rim of your coffee cup with your finger, incapable of expressing the pain you felt within the walls of the cafe.

“Are you ok, honey? Aren’t you excited?” Your mother asked.

“Of course, Mom. I just have a few butterflies.”

“Y/N?!” You smiled, recognizing the friendly voice of the cafe owner.

“Miss Nayeon! It’s so nice to see you! How have you been?”

“I’ve been well! It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you! Where’s Namjoon?”

“Oh…uh…Namjoon and I aren’t…” Your face flushed red from hearing his name.

“Actually, Nayeon, my daughter is getting married this week to her fiance, Jooheon.” She held out her phone, showing off your engagement photos.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Y/N. I hadn’t seen either of you in awhile, I had no idea. Beautiful photos, you are going to make a lovely bride.”

After brunch, your family dropped you off at the hotel, and you settled into your suite. You hung up your wedding dress and began to organize the gifts for your bridal party, when you received a phone call.

“Y/N! Are you in town already?” you friend Mina asked. “We want to take you out tonight!”

“Yes! I’m here! Sounds great, Mina! Just let me know when and where!”

“We’ll come pick you up tonight at 7!”

Your girlfriends had taken you out for one last night as a single woman, and you stepped out the bar for some fresh air.

You gasped as you felt a familiar grip around your wrist, pulling you into the alley way, and pinning you against the wall. Even with your eyes closed, you knew it was him, as he lifted your chin and he took your bottom lip between his teeth. 

“Namjoon,” you whispered.

“Y/N,” he replied.

He pressed his lips against yours, and his tongue requested permission to taste you again. Unable to resist his advances, you wrapped your arms around his neck. You parted your lips and allowed his tongue entry to your mouth.

With nowhere else to go, he led you to his car and you slipped into the backseat. You unzipped his pants and straddled him, slowly lowering yourself onto his growing arousal. You draped your arms over his shoulders as he bottomed out, filling your core with his length.

The windows fogged as the heat from your breath filled the enclosed space. You pressed your hand against the glass window to stabilize yourself, dragging it through the condensation, as you rocked your hips against him. 

“Oh…God. Joon!” you moaned.

Namjoon’s breath hitched and he called out your name, as you felt his length twitching within your walls.

You soared to your peak and Namjoon’s large hands supported your body, now limp from exhaustion. He nuzzled the soft skin of his cheeks against your breasts, resting his head on your chest so he could hear your heartbeat. 

He slipped his hands around your waist trying to hold your tighter, but in a moment of clarity you tried to push him away.

“I need you, Y/N,” he pleaded, trying to kiss you again.

“We can’t do this anymore, Namjoon. I'm getting married this week.”

“Don't marry him, Y/N.”

Your heart wrenched at his words. Six months before you were in his bed, begging for him to ask you to stay, but instead he had asked you to leave.

“How can you say that to me now, Namjoon? When I was here...”

“I went after you, Y/N,” he interrupted. “After you left, I went to find you, but when I did, you looked so happy in your perfect new life without me. I couldn’t handle it.”

"You said it yourself, Joon! We're screwed up when we’re together!”

“No! I realize now that we’re screwed up because we’re not together, Y/N.”

“Everything was just screwed up, Namjoon! I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror back then, let alone look at you. I know you couldn’t bear to see me either!”

“You’re wrong, Y/N! I needed you. I needed you and you left me! I lost the baby, too! You were everything that I had... I needed you and you left me all alone.”

“I can’t do this, Namjoon!” you cried.

You exited Namjoon’s car overwhelmed with emotion, running towards the street to hail a taxi back to your hotel. Namjoon’s words replayed in your mind, as the mascara stained your cheeks. You needed to be alone, you needed to process your feelings before it was too late.

You returned to your hotel suite and the lights were dim.

You rounded the corner of the short corridor, when you noticed the rose petals on the floor and the faint illumination from the candlelight. You choked as you came face to face with your fiance.

“Surprise!” Joohoen cooed, holding a beautiful bouquet of roses in your direction.

His face dropped as he noticed the tears still flowing from your eyes.

“Jagiya? Are you alright?”

Sniffling, you wiped your tears with the back of your hand, and mustered up a smile. “Jooheon, what are you doing here?”

\-----

The bridal hall was filled with the hums of your guests, patiently awaiting your arrival. You sat in your suite, laced up in your wedding dress, knowing that the wedding planner would be coming for you any minute.

You took one last look in the mirror, and then you heard a knock on the door.

You opened the door, but who you found wasn’t your wedding planner. Instead you were met with a pair of desperate brown eyes, begging you not to make another move.


	4. Reasons

Reasons. The things that we make ourselves believe to justify our own actions.

As you stood in your hotel room facing your fiancé, you contemplated the reasons why you couldn't let Namjoon go. Maybe it had been easy for you to keep it bottled in before, but not now.

Now the wounds were open again, and they were much too deep.

You had hoped that revealing your pain to Jooheon would help set you free. That it would truly allow you to let his love in, but the truth was, you weren’t sure that his love was enough. 

“Jooheon, I… I fucked up.”

“What are you talking about, Jagiya?” He brushed the hair from your face, tucking it behind your ear. He tried to embrace you, but you placed your hands on his chest and attempted to break away.

“No, please stop. You won't want to hold me after I tell you the truth. You’re going to hate me.”

“I could never hate you, Y/N. What is it?”

“God! This is why I never wanted to come to this town again!” You yelled. “I cheated on you, Jooheon… with Namjoon.”

The color drained from his face and you could see the pain in his eyes.

He sat down on the edge of the bed to ground himself, bringing his hands to his face. You hovered over him, speechless, knowing that your world was about to come crashing down.

“I understand, Y/N."

“What do you mean you understand?” You stood agape, in utter disbelief from the words he had just said. 

“It has to do with what you told me before, right? About losing the baby?”

“Well, yes, but…”

Jooheon interrupted you. “I don’t care. I understand. You were hurting, and he was there, right? That’s all it was?”

“Jooheon, how can you possibly be so understanding?! Aren’t you angry with me? What’s the matter with you?!” 

His consideration made you angry.

You wanted him to hate you, you wanted to receive punishment for the mess that you had made. Perhaps deep down, you wanted him to break it off. But his love for you overpowered your mistakes, making you feel trapped, like it was impossible to leave him.

“Of course, I’m angry!” He shouted. 

His hands began to ball into fists, and you saw the veins begin to protrude from his neck. “But how can I compete with the demons of your past? Huh? You’ve kept your secret from me for our whole relationship, Y/N. Of course I understand that telling me would bring all those emotions back... Of course I can understand why it would drive you to him. What the fuck am I supposed to do about that? I love you, Y/N! If I get angry, I just risk losing you.”

“I didn’t mean to keep things from you, I never meant for any of this to happen!” You cried.

As Jooheon poured his heart out to you, you became even more conflicted than you had been before. On one hand, there was Namjoon. The man who would always own a piece of your heart. Your soulmate. 

On the other, there was Jooheon, so in love with you that he could overlook such a grave mistake just days before your wedding.

“Do you still love me, Y/N?” He asked.

“Of course, I do Jooheon.”

“Please tell me you’ll still marry me. Please tell me you want to spend the rest of your life with me and not him.” 

As you looked into his desperate eyes, your heart shattered into a million pieces. How was it possible to love two people so deeply?

Holding his face in your hands, you managed to utter the only words you could. “Yes.”

The bridal hall was filled with the hums of your guests, patiently awaiting your arrival. You sat in your suite, laced up in your wedding dress, knowing that the wedding planner would be coming for you any minute. You took one last look in the mirror, and then you heard the knock on the door.

You opened the door, but who you found wasn’t your wedding planner. Instead you were met with a pair of desperate brown eyes, begging you not to make another move.

“Jooheon? What are you doing here? Why haven't you walked down the aisle yet? Is something wrong?”

Jooheon approached you and reached for your hands. He squeezed them so tight it turned your skin white, and he pulled you towards his chest, forcing you to look into his eyes.

“Do you really want this, Y/N? Am I really the person you want to marry?”

“Jooheon…”

“I couldn't shake the feeling that you weren't going to come down the aisle to me. I had to see for myself that you were still here.” He confessed.

“I'm here, Jooheon.”

“But do you want to be here, Y/N? Can you honestly tell me that you will be happy with me for the rest of our lives?”

Jooheon looked desperately into your eyes for an answer, but unfortunately, the one he received wasn't what he had been hoping for.

He could see it in the way that you looked at him. Even though he knew you loved him, he knew you were in love with Namjoon.

Tears pooled in the corner of his eyes. “I want to be selfish, Y/N. I love you so much. I want you to walk down that aisle to me right now, but I know you won’t be happy... Let's not do this.”

“What are we gonna do, then? All those people…”

“Don't worry about them. I'll take care of it. Just go.”

“Jooheon, I'm sorry.” 

You kissed his cheek and exited the bridal suite slipping out the side entrance of the hotel.

Still wearing your wedding dress, stuffed yourself inside a taxi and went to find Namjoon.

The driver looked at you curiously. “Are you sure you're supposed to be leaving, Miss?”

“Yes, take me to Nayeon’s Diner, please.” You didn't know where Namjoon was, but something in your heart told you to go to the diner.

As the taxi rounded the corner of the familiar street, you felt your heart pounding within your chest.

You jumped out of the cab and peered through the glass doors at the practically empty restaurant, but Namjoon wasn't there. Your heart sank in disappointment, you were sure that this was where he would be.

Distraught, you frantically dug through your handbag looking for your phone. But as you tried to dial his number, your phone fumbled out of your hands and hit the ground.

“Shit!” You yelled, as you struggled to bend over in your dress. You reached down for the phone, and a familiar hand grazed yours, sending an electric pulse through your body. 

“Y/N?” 

“Namjoon!” Your heart raced as you met his gaze.

Your hands trembled as the man you were looking for had finally appeared before you.

“What are you doing here, Y/N? Shouldn't you be at your reception celebrating?”

“No, Joon. I didn't get married. I couldn't.”

Namjoon’s eyes widened in disbelief. “You didn't?”

“No... I left. I had to find you. I... I love you, Joonie.”

Immediately, Namjoon rushed to your side, nearly tripping over the train of your dress. You felt the soft touch of Namjoon’s lips on your own as he kissed you with a fervor you had only ever felt with him before.

In front of the diner that held so many of your memories, you and Namjoon embraced as you started to create a new one. He held your cheeks within his hands, gripping you tightly, keeping your face close to his own. He stared so deeply into your eyes, that you could feel him in your soul. He couldn’t believe you were really there, that you had come back to him, and he didn’t dare look away for fear that it wasn’t real.

“How are you really here right now?” He asked with tears in his eyes.

“I’m here because this is where I’m supposed to be, Joonie. I'm so sorry that I left in the first place. I thought that it was me who brought you pain.”

“You could never bring me pain, Y/N. I needed you, I still need you. I love you.” He declared.

You began to cry tears of happiness as you reunited with Namjoon. “I realize that now, Joonie." You told him.

"We were in the same pain together. We have the same wounds and we needed each other to heal them.

I know that we can't go back in time to start over, but I hope that you'll be willing to start from here, and make a new ending with me.”

He kissed your lips once more. “I don't want any other ending if it's not with you, Y/N.”


End file.
